For any of you out there who have children, I am sure you have experienced the excitement of a child when they at last master tasks such as tying shoelaces, getting dressed for the first time, or going to the potty. Filled with pride, barely able to contain the jubilant announcement of their new mastery they run to you expectantly to hear “Good Job”. Younger children always look to their parents for approval, for validation that they really are “OK”. Teenagers, on the other hand, may complain about parental instruction, supervision and/or control responding with a “Mom/Dad, “I got this!”, even though there may be some uncertainty within. When my oldest daughters were in their early teens, I posted a sign on the refrigerator door that read, Attention Teenagers!! Tired of Being Harassed by Your Stupid Parents? Move Out, Get a Job, Pay All Your Own Bills While You Still Know Everything! Oddly enough my daughters did not find that as profound or comical as did I.
Whether a child, a teen or an adult there is a basic human need. The need to feel OK, to feel competent, to feel “good enough”, to say, with confidence, ” I Got This!” is essential in our lives. It is a key factor in our relationships, job performance, and our overall happiness. It can drive us to over-achievement or to the depths of despair. What is most important to know is… YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH !!! and you don’t need to be validated by anyone!! Stop looking outside of yourself for approval. Learn to value “YOU” and be aware of self-judgment and self-criticism. Most individuals are “harder on themselves” than anyone else. Remember always to treat yourself with KINDNESS and an “I GOT THIS” knowledge of your true value.
