Avoiding Power Struggles

If we want to effectively manage our children’s behavior we must, first of all, understand why they behave the way they do. Please note, the term I use is “manage” behavior rather than “control” behavior. Attempting to control behavior is an approach that most parents apply. When this approach is used it only serves to initiate power struggles.Historically, categorically children’s inappropriate behavior has been conceptualized as “attention seeking”: a one-size-fits-all explanation. Subsequently, we have a one size fits all response. Sometimes it’s effective, most times not. If we apply a paradigm shift, we may find the results are quite remarkable. In order to understand how to gain the most effective results, we must first understand what is underlying the behavior of that child. In other words…what is driving that behavior? A paradigm shift is being suggested here from attention seeking motivation to mastery/needs motivation.The one-size-fits-all approach is to control the behavior. The most predictable result of this approach is to set up a power struggle between parent and child. As a parent, once you engage in a power struggle with your child…you have lost, even if it appears that you have won. In the words of Yogi Bear to Boo Boo, “ You have to be smarter than the average bear”. Parents, you have to be one step ahead of your child and this can be accomplished without them being the least bit suspect.

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