We have a basic need as human beings to seek deep and meaningful connections with others. Our most common avenue to satisfy our core, primal need of “belonging” is to marry–to take an intimate life partner. We enter into these unions filled with the dream of a happily ever after life-long commitment but upwards of 50% of us awaken at some later time to the reality of divorce. So what happened? Maybe we “married for the wrong reasons”. The following are a few pitfalls to avoid:
1. Expectations of others. It is not uncommon after a certain age is reached that family and friends begin to ask why are you still single and especially if there are no identified prospects on the horizon there is at least the unspoken ( if not openly questioned), “what’s wrong with you”. If you are and have been dating someone then comes the questions of when are you setting a date for the sooner than later wedding. Either of these pressures can force a premature decision.
2. Avoiding loneliness. Some individuals are so afraid of being “alone” that they will connect with the first person that comes along and is willing. If you begin any union by placing your personal happiness and emotional fulfillment on the other person it is a guarantee that at some point you will be disappointed at the very least.
3. Good chemistry. There are no absolutes, no “Mr. Right”/ “Ms. Right” but there is good chemistry. Living with the mistaken belief that there can only be ONE individual out there for you combined with great chemistry can cause hasty decisions which leads to resulting disaster. Great chemistry is magical! It can be a misleading siren which creates such an altered state that causes one to overlook the obvious–even the toxic characteristics of the relationship.
4. Do not avoid DATING. “Warp speed ahead Scottie!” should be contained to the Star Trek movies and not applied to our dating practices. In today’s instant everything world we want to speed past the dating process and jump directly into an intimate relationship before discovering who that other person truly is and if he/she is a viable option long term. Invest more time initially in exploring the compatibility of values, goals, qualities on which to build a solid foundation that can weather the difficulties that may arise. Most importantly until the deal breakers are sifted out avoid the physical component of the relationship. This too can be another siren that obscures our judgment.
